After a 1-year , I am reentering the work world.
For so many reasons, this was perfect timing. My baby Banana is 70 days old.
Those of you whose baby are also in same age, this was complete folly. I filled my time with full-time house wife like a tsunami would fill a swimming pool. do my laundry and cooking in the morning ,feed the baby and gave her a bath, play with her run an errand, exercised dancing with her. What?? It's already 3:30pm? But I just barely took a shower!
And yet, despite my constant busyness — when husband were home and when he were at work — the lurking feeling of not contributing plagued me. Somehow I didn't put laundry, cleaning, cooking and running a household on the same level as working. I don't know how to explain it, but it was always a struggle for me to feel productive at home. It wasn't enough for me.
The christian counselor back story to this includes my lack of confidence in my parenting ability, my compulsive need to achieve. I love using my brain and practicing a skill. Being home with baby and being asked to pretend I was the mommy duck, reminding my husband to his weekly schedule and our day to day sharing word of God after day didn't test my brain so much as my patience. Being the mom is hard, hard work. HARD WORK!
I don't think I was ever Nanay of the Year, but I wouldn't have done it differently. Given the option, I still would choose to be home. My College friend who worked always told me, "Oh, you're so lucky to be able to stay home." I was often tempted to offer to trade lives with them for a few days. The funny thing is, had I worked, I know I would have wished I could be home. Now I'll have a little of both.
